Don’t get me wrong; I love many (but not all) big companies. However, I really hate starting to work with a new one.
In our small business, we seek to provide our clients with a high-end consultancy service. We help them win large public sector bids. We are very good at this. We get a lot of calls from people who have heard of us from our existing clients and want us to assist them too. Our clients get excited when they hear about what we can do for them. Very often, after an initial chat, they want to bring us in. This is when the “fun” starts.
We all know the bid deadline from the outset. However, before we are allowed to do any work for their bid at all, we have to be on-boarded through a supplier registration system. If we are not registered, we cannot get a Purchase Order. Without a Purchase Order, we will not be paid!
I get an email asking me to log on to a website. Here I am faced with, typically, 14 long pages of forms which have to be completed. Some stuff is simple, e.g. company name, company number and address. However, then I get mandatory questions about such things as how many slaves we employ and I must attach my slavery policy document. I need to detail our car sharing policies (we don’t share our car) and how often we measure and report our carbon footprint. Each one of these needs a document with a version history and an update schedule. In some cases, I have had to attach photographs of HMRC website pages as displayed on my screen and provide a scanned copy of my electricity bill.
Once this is done (and, of course, the time to deadline is ticking away) we all wait for the inevitable queries. How is it that the employee register has not been completed (we have no employees) and the company car list is absent (we don’t have any company cars)? After explaining on the phone that we are actually a two person company to a twelve year old accounts person, we are told we will now be registered.
During this time, our Bid Manager sponsor has been trying to get financial approval to bring us in. We have supplied day rates and work estimates. However, the person with financial authority has gone on holiday and no one knows who the temporary replacement actually is. A couple of days pass and our sponsor is having a deadline induced breakdown. After a while someone realises her plight and signs the internal paperwork. Whoopee!
However, we then discover we still cannot start work because we don’t have a Purchase Order number. The financial team has to set this up. They are very busy, so they do everyone a favour by doing this in only a couple of days! Now we are “good to go”. Well, no, we are not!
We need access to several large files concerning the bid and they are all on our client’s SharePoint system. All we need is a login and password. However, according to the very busy IT department, we are an existential threat to the entire security of their worldwide computer systems and data. We have to supply information about our IT systems, our IT policies and sign documents pledging we will commit hara-kiri if we forget our passwords. We are sent a Non-Disclosure Agreement. This says that once we sign it, all our intellectual property will be handed over to their business forever. So, I fill out another series of forms and correct a pile of legal looking documents to the point we can work with them. Then I discover that we must be trained in their IT security and the corporate IT policies before we can see any documents.
We are given a login to the training system and only have to sit through 12 modules of CBT. Each has an examination at the end so you cannot keep pressing “NEXT” whilst doing something else. This takes the best part of a day to get through (not counting the resits after failing the end of module tests). The bid deadline is getting closer. Our bid sponsor is now on intravenous anti-depressants and has an alarmingly high alcohol intake.
Eventually, we get the information we need and can start work. It has taken a week of forms, frustration and fone calls (see the sneaky use of the “f”). We all commit to working evenings and weekends to catch up. In our quiet moments we ruminate on the general lack of understanding within the clients’ business about bid deadlines. Why can they not see the real importance of winning bids to the entire company? We wonder why the IT department has so many hurdles to getting the essential support its business needs. Why can’t all these “experts” design a secure and quick system for connecting contractors and suppliers who are essential for their own future employment? And why can’t a senior person’s commitment by letter or email be sufficient to engage help whilst the other parts of the company go through the administrative systems to catch up later? We have been working for a week and not made any contribution to the bid. Frustration is the polite way of expressing what we and the bid team are feeling.
I think I hate all big companies, after all!
